HEART TO HEART

****I DIDN'T KEEP MY PROMISE****

HOW IS THE WEATHER OUT THERE, IT'S NOT EVEN WINTER AND IT'S WEIRD..................ICE, SNOW, FREEZING, THEN SUN AND BALMY...........

My promise was I was not coming back until New Years', can't do it, I must get this out (kind of off my chest)  let me know if you think I am wrong; 

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER and that was just on email, I have more than one Website and also Blog and also emails...................................

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about dog you know what in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

  Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

  I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1, 387,25 8th time.

  I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are  sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

  I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

  I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

  I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

  Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

  Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

  I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. NOT APPLICABLE IN NEW JERSEY (we don't pump gas)

 I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans .

 I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

 And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

 I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

  I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

 I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

 I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

 I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

 I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

 And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

 I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

 If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

  Have a wonderful day....

  Oh, by the way.....

  A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Published Sunday, December 16, 2007 11:00 AM by Kathy Stanavitch QSC,ABR,CDPE